Dotted around the UK are a few hundred of these miniature nuclear bunkers, each built in the 1960s during the Cold War. In my opinion, the Cold War is actually one of the more intriguing eras of human history. It was not a war with any actual fighting, but it was a period of immense tension between various countries, most notably America and Russia, due to the fact that everyone suddenly had nuclear weapons and this was a pretty new, terrifying development. Here in the UK, defence precautions were taken, and this led to the creation of nuclear monitoring bunkers. This particular one was especially challenging to find, hidden amongst a sea of brambles.
These nuclear monitoring posts were small underground bunkers hidden under the British countryside, each equipped with technology designed to watch for and record nuclear activity, and communicate the findings. They were also furnished with bunk beds and a bucket toilet, and each one had documents instructing how to ration food, build cooking equipment from rubble, and hunt animals, basically equipping anyone stationed here to survive in the event of the apocalypse.
This particular post opened in 1960, but was actually one of the longest lasting of its kind. While many were shut down in the late 1960s, this one was still operational right up until 1990.
The view from up here is pretty cool too, but this wasn't your standard countryside hike. No, the landowners kept llamas.
Now, let me tell you something about llamas. They're terrifying. At least they're terrifying to share a field with when they're behaving aggressively. They're huge too! Arguably the most menacing thing I've ever come across, at least until the Spice Girls do a comeback tour.
Don't listen to the religious folks who say Satan will get you if you're naughty, and don't listen to the media, with the common narrative that the thing we should be fearing most is the white man opening his legs on a bus! The real threat to the human race is llamas! Soon Jess, Katie and I were facing off against a big grey beast I called Llamageddon, and a black one that I named Barrack O'Llama.
Sadly no photos of Llamageddon or Barrack O'Llama were taken, but here's an accurate representation, albeit in the wrong colours.
Guard Llamas are actually becoming surprisingly popular, being used mostly to guard livestock from predators. Sometimes they'll simply make a loud noise to alert someone of danger, but they'll also spit, kick, chase, and in America they've been known to kill coyotes.
Katie had apparently witnessed llamas being vicious before, and didn't particularly want to be on the receiving end of them. Jess decided to accompany her back to civilisation. I, on the other hand, lack a survival instinct and ran across the llama field alone, loving the danger a little too much, praying to the spirit of Bethia Barleycorn to protect me. You go, Goose.
It was almost a wasted trip. I struggled to find the nuclear bunker, and almost gave up. But then I spotted this sign, suspiciously warning me not to enter an overgrown bramble patch.
Behind it, sticking out of the brambles, was one of the external features of the bunker, a ventilation shaft, which ironically I would have missed entirely had it not been for this brightly-coloured sign on the fence. It was all completely overgrown and a real battle to get to. Llamageddon and Barrack O'Llama didn't follow. I wondered if maybe they were busy chewing on the entrails of my friends. I wondered briefly if maybe the reason I don't have many friends is because I keep on getting them killed. But no, I think it's probably more to do with the fact that while normal people are out grabbing a coffee, my ideal place to be is fifteen feet underground down a ladder in the middle of a bramble patch in a concrete room that hasn't seen any maintenance in thirty years.
Check it out!!!
At the bottom of the ladder is a pump used to remove water, so that the bunker didn't flood. So far I have yet to find a flooded one, in spite of them being unserviced, but I'm sure they're out there. These bunkers are all identical in design, though history has made each one different. Most are locked or sealed up, and the ones that are open are seldom ever in good condition, especially those that have been left since the 1960s. This one owes two factors to its preservation- it closed in 1990, and it's guarded by ferocious llamas.
The bunkers got a relatively low level of damage. It's fairly trashed down here, but the shelves, desk and bed are all still here. Obviously the communications equipment is long gone, likely cleared out in 1990.
Somebody has scratched "Bin Laden was ere" in big letters across the wall.
The bunkers toilet is literally just a bucket with a seat on it. Imagine being stationed here in the event of a nuclear blast, and having to stay down here for a period of time. They'd have food rations, sure, but in a room this tiny with an unflushable bucket for a toilet, would they really have had an appetite?
It's still in better condition than the toilets in some pubs and clubs.
This writing on the wall isn't vandalism, but is an actual notice from when the bunker was active, specifying that they have an emergency water supply at a nearby pub.
Most curious about this bunker though is this large collection of wedding photos...
Why are these down here? Who are these people, and how did the photos of their wedding make it into an abandoned nuclear bunker? Surely someone misses these?
That's pretty much it for the bunker though. However, as I emerged into the sunlight, I couldn't help but quickly snap up the view as the sun began to set.
The llamas appear to have gone, no doubt committing homicide in some far corner of their pasture. I wasn't going to stick around and wait for them to notice me.
To conclude, bunkers like this fascinate me. It's remarkable just how many Cold War ruins are just dotted around the countryside, completely unnoticed and untouched. I would love to see them restored, and put to good use. I'm sure a landowner could make some money if they advertised a Cold War bunker on Airbnb.
As far as adventures go, this is the first time I've encountered guard llamas. I do not recommend messing with them- I'm a very foolish person and I do not endorse the replicating of my crazy antics.
But llamas aside, it is sad that one needs to trespass in order to appreciate history.
Next time, I'll be back over on my original blog, Shrewsbury From Where You Are Not, exploring one of Shropshires lost pubs, and then I'll be doing another cool Shropshire location. So it may be a while before you see anything new on this blog. If you follow this blog but are unaware of my others, then the best thing you can do to make sure you don't miss anything is follow my Instagram, my Twitter, Like my Facebook page, and subscribe to Jess's Youtube.
Thanks for reading!
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