The Llama Bunker

(Disclaimer: Joking aside, I fully understand the risks/dangers involved in these adventures and do so in the full knowledge of what could happen. I don't encourage or condone and I accept no responsibility for anyone else following in my footsteps. I never break into a place, I never take any items and I never cause any damage, as such no criminal offences have been committed in the making of this blog. I will not disclose a location, or means of entry. I leave the building as I find it and only enter to take photographs for my own pleasure and to document the building.)

Dotted around the UK are a few hundred of these miniature nuclear bunkers, each built in the 1960s during the Cold War. In my opinion, the Cold War is actually one of the more intriguing eras of human history. It was not a war with any actual fighting, but it was a period of immense tension between various countries, most notably America and Russia, due to the fact that everyone suddenly had nuclear weapons and this was a pretty new, terrifying development. Here in the UK, defence precautions were taken, and this led to the creation of nuclear monitoring bunkers. This particular one was especially challenging to find, hidden amongst a sea of brambles.

These nuclear monitoring posts were small underground bunkers hidden under the British countryside, each equipped with technology designed to watch for and record nuclear activity, and communicate the findings. They were also furnished with bunk beds and a bucket toilet, and each one had documents instructing how to ration food, build cooking equipment from rubble, and hunt animals, basically equipping anyone stationed here to survive in the event of the apocalypse.
This particular post opened in 1960, but was actually one of the longest lasting of its kind. While many were shut down in the late 1960s, this one was still operational right up until 1990.

The view from up here is pretty cool too, but this wasn't your standard countryside hike. No, the landowners kept llamas.

Now, let me tell you something about llamas. They're terrifying. At least they're terrifying to share a field with when they're behaving aggressively. They're huge too! Arguably the most menacing thing I've ever come across, at least until the Spice Girls do a comeback tour.
Don't listen to the religious folks who say Satan will get you if you're naughty, and don't listen to the media, with the common narrative that the thing we should be fearing most is the white man opening his legs on a bus! The real threat to the human race is llamas! Soon Jess, Katie and I were facing off against a big grey beast I called Llamageddon, and a black one that I named Barrack O'Llama.
Sadly no photos of Llamageddon or Barrack O'Llama were taken, but here's an accurate representation, albeit in the wrong colours.

Guard Llamas are actually becoming surprisingly popular, being used mostly to guard livestock from predators. Sometimes they'll simply make a loud noise to alert someone of danger, but they'll also spit, kick, chase, and in America they've been known to kill coyotes.
Katie had apparently witnessed llamas being vicious before, and didn't particularly want to be on the receiving end of them. Jess decided to accompany her back to civilisation. I, on the other hand, lack a survival instinct and ran across the llama field alone, loving the danger a little too much, praying to the spirit of Bethia Barleycorn to protect me. You go, Goose.

It was almost a wasted trip. I struggled to find the nuclear bunker, and almost gave up. But then I spotted this sign, suspiciously warning me not to enter an overgrown bramble patch.

Behind it, sticking out of the brambles, was one of the external features of the bunker, a ventilation shaft, which ironically I would have missed entirely had it not been for this brightly-coloured sign on the fence. It was all completely overgrown and a real battle to get to. Llamageddon and Barrack O'Llama didn't follow. I wondered if maybe they were busy chewing on the entrails of my friends. I wondered briefly if maybe the reason I don't have many friends is because I keep on getting them killed. But no, I think it's probably more to do with the fact that while normal people are out grabbing a coffee, my ideal place to be is fifteen feet underground down a ladder in the middle of a bramble patch in a concrete room that hasn't seen any maintenance in thirty years.

Check it out!!!

At the bottom of the ladder is a pump used to remove water, so that the bunker didn't flood. So far I have yet to find a flooded one, in spite of them being unserviced, but I'm sure they're out there. These bunkers are all identical in design, though history has made each one different. Most are locked or sealed up, and the ones that are open are seldom ever in good condition, especially those that have been left since the 1960s. This one owes two factors to its preservation- it closed in 1990, and it's guarded by ferocious llamas.

The bunkers got a relatively low level of damage. It's fairly trashed down here, but the shelves, desk and bed are all still here. Obviously the communications equipment is long gone, likely cleared out in 1990.

Somebody has scratched "Bin Laden was ere" in big letters across the wall.

The bunkers toilet is literally just a bucket with a seat on it. Imagine being stationed here in the event of a nuclear blast, and having to stay down here for a period of time. They'd have food rations, sure, but in a room this tiny with an unflushable bucket for a toilet, would they really have had an appetite?

It's still in better condition than the toilets in some pubs and clubs.

This writing on the wall isn't vandalism, but is an actual notice from when the bunker was active, specifying that they have an emergency water supply at a nearby pub.

Most curious about this bunker though is this large collection of wedding photos...

Why are these down here? Who are these people, and how did the photos of their wedding make it into an abandoned nuclear bunker? Surely someone misses these?

That's pretty much it for the bunker though. However, as I emerged into the sunlight, I couldn't help but quickly snap up the view as the sun began to set.

The llamas appear to have gone, no doubt committing homicide in some far corner of their pasture. I wasn't going to stick around and wait for them to notice me.

To conclude, bunkers like this fascinate me. It's remarkable just how many Cold War ruins are just dotted around the countryside, completely unnoticed and untouched. I would love to see them restored, and put to good use. I'm sure a landowner could make some money if they advertised a Cold War bunker on Airbnb.
As far as adventures go, this is the first time I've encountered guard llamas. I do not recommend messing with them- I'm a very foolish person and I do not endorse the replicating of my crazy antics.
But llamas aside, it is sad that one needs to trespass in order to appreciate history.

Next time, I'll be back over on my original blog, Shrewsbury From Where You Are Not, exploring one of Shropshires lost pubs, and then I'll be doing another cool Shropshire location. So it may be a while before you see anything new on this blog. If you follow this blog but are unaware of my others, then the best thing you can do to make sure you don't miss anything is follow my Instagram, my Twitter, Like my Facebook page, and subscribe to Jess's Youtube.

Thanks for reading!

The Hermitage from Middle Earth

(Disclaimer: Joking aside, I fully understand the risks/dangers involved in these adventures and do so in the full knowledge of what could happen. I don't encourage or condone and I accept no responsibility for anyone else following in my footsteps. I never break into a place, I never take any items and I never cause any damage, as such no criminal offences have been committed in the making of this blog. I will not disclose a location, or means of entry. I leave the building as I find it and only enter to take photographs for my own pleasure and to document the building.)

There once was a sheep farmer who wanted to build a barn. Once he'd finished it, he decided to add to it, so that he could live there during lambing season, or if he, relatably, just wanted to get away from the human race occasionally. And so the barn became a hermitage. He then added to it, and then added to it again, and again, and again until finally he admitted, in his own words, that he got a bit carried away.

On todays adventure, my handler friend Jess and I, joined by her friend Katie, trekked to this bizarre place, not quite sure to what extent of eccentricity we would end up finding. The nearby quarry was quite active, and this meant that traffic was quite frequent. I'd heard stories that the quarry owner was quite hostile to intruders, so I had to be stealthy. Jess and Katie followed in all their gravity-challenged glory. By the time we made it to the hermitage, I was the only one who hadn't tripped over. Nevertheless, we musn't mock my clumsy friends too much. Teaming up with other explorers has benefitted the blog immensely.

Given the size of the location, I struggled to get the entirety of the hermitage in one shot, settling in the end for a panorama, which you can see below.

This delightfully absurd building took about eleven years to build. It all started in the 1980s when the man in question had an accident and decided to put his compensation money to purchasing some land. He began collecting stones that he happened to find lying around and in 1989 he set out to make something completely unique. The building isn't ancient, but it sure looks like something out of a medieval fairy tale. Some call it the Hobbit House, but I want to refrain from such a thing. Firstly because the man who built it says he dislikes that nickname, and secondly because everyone knows that hobbits live underground, therefore to call this place a hobbit house is like calling a birds nest a dog kennel. It sounds stupid. However I do keep the reference to Middle Earth in the blog title, because I imagine this sort of dwelling wouldn't look too out of place there.

In 2000 the man packed up and moved to Scotland, abandoning his bizarre project. Rumours tell that there was a dispute over planning permission, but he has been quick to deny these. According to him, he abandoned the land because of the nearby quarry. As soon as the quarry opened, he realised that his quiet eccentric getaway would get a stream of loud lorries and machinery every single day, and he could really do without all that. He does admit that parting with the hermitage was hard to do, and I totally get that working on a creative project for over a decade and then having to just leave it in a field to deteriorate with time would be a real dampener on the day. But to his credit, the hermitage still stands, nearly two decades later. It looks like it shouldn't. It looks like a good gust of wind will reduce this building to a pile of rubble. But it's surprisingly stable, and shows no signs of falling apart. It's also miraculously free of vandalism. There's a broken window but that's it.

Check out the floor tiles in the main entrance! It makes the bizarre building seem surprisingly homely, and gives it a Victorian-era vibe.

There's a log bench facing a window where the owner would have maybe sat with a coffee and enjoyed the view.

There's a sink lying on the floor. I don't know if the owner was originally going to have running water installed but that would have been impressive.

Looking around, the building is covered in little shelves and places where one might put candles and ornaments. This place would look quite magical if it was cleaned and decorated, both inside and outside. Just imagine what this place would look like at night if it was lit up with candles! With a little TLC this place could be bloody spectacular.

Presumably this was the barn portion, given that it has a wooden gate and hay. However when it comes to architecture, even the livestock didn't miss out on the eccentricity.

There's a memorial plaque for Mrs Bethia Barleycorn, "Goose of this parish," who lived from March to December in 1989 and is buried here.
I googled the lifespan of a goose, and it's considerably larger than this. In fact, Geese normally live for around 10-15 years, but it's not unheard of for them to make it to forty.
So I wonder if there's a story to Bethia Barleycorn. Perhaps she was born with some form of illness or deformity, and the owner took care of her and attempted to nurse her back to health. Who knows? Short of digging up her remains, the questions will go unanswered.
It's nice that she got married though. It's somewhat uplifting that in her ten months in the mortal realm she found love. I'm happy for you, Bethia Barleycorn.

There are two ways upstairs, one being a rather boring, but sturdy ladder, and the other being a more artistic stairway.

There's a lamp hanging from a hook which would have once lit the upper floor by candle light. It would have been quite atmospheric at night time back when it was still in use.

Light came down from this domed ceiling and up above, high above my head, were even more shelves.

And here's the bedroom, still with the bed in there, although not looking as cozy as it perhaps once did. Next to it is a stained glass window, which the owner made himself.

Moving back outside, the next portion of the bizarre house was accessible via another external door.

There's a decorative stone above the door, but if this is symbolic of anything in particular, I don't know. The inside, however, is amazing.

This is perhaps the most homely part of the entire place, certainly appearing liveable.

There are stairs here too, but curiously, they don't go anywhere, except to a tiny circular room, from which one can peek out at the room downstairs.

The circular room is covered with these little shelves, likely for putting candles on.

And there's a window overlooking the courtyard.

However, the most intriguing part of this particular part of the building is the stained glass windows.
The owner and creator incorporated into them the themes of the four seasons and the four elements. Although which windows correlate with which elements and seasons seems to be open to interpretation. I'm sure going to share my thoughts though!

The window on the right has a bird flying over the hermitage at dusk, and the one next to it, the smashed portion, once depicted a badger hiding away. Perhaps evocative of Autumn, with the early nights and hibernation. The fact that it depicted a badger burrowing away made me think of the element, Earth.

Here we have a reflective lake on one side, no doubt symbolic of water, and a gloomier depiction of the sky above the hermitage, possibly symbolic of winter.
Look very closely and you'll see a tiny yellow diamond next to the gloomy image, containing the initials of the man who built the place, with the date 1989.

The snowdrops are likely symbolic of spring. Perhaps the warm colours on the left are symbolic of fire? Air and fire are the only elements left, assuming I was right about placing the water and earth elements. Honestly, I'm finding it a challenge to match the elements to the seasons. The lake is quite obviously symbolic of water, but perhaps the autumn depiction of a bird flying is meant to be symbolic of air, and the spring depiction of flowers growing after winter is Earth, leaving the warm colours of summer to be fire? I guess its open to interpretation.

In the Spring window, a spider is painted onto the glass. Initially I thought it was a genuine spider, which is probably how the artist intended it.

This window is symbolic of summer, although it seems my camera had a bit of a fart during the taking of this shot.

Lastly there is this little barn.

This is some kind of livestock scale, for weighing animals.

There's also this really odd yellow room, with symetrical shelves but no discernable purpose. It's decorated more so than other areas, so it was clearly important. Perhaps he had plans to make it into a toilet room.

Among the external quirks was this obvious stairway, appearing as though it was intended to go somewhere at some point. Perhaps it was for mounting a horse, or perhaps he was still adding to this place when he felt compelled to abandon it.

The house also includes dovecotes. Allegedly many birds made this place their home, including one owl.
Personally birds have given me the willies ever since I got trapped in a derelict brothel in the dark with eight terrified pigeons, but on rooftop adventures they're somewhat more tolerable. They just fly away.

There's another, unfinished portion being reclaimed by nature nearby.

Looking at the building, with the unfinished turrets and the external stairs to nowhere, it seems obvious that he was still creating at the time that he gave it all up. Which raises two questions- What would this look like if he'd continued, and has he made anything since?
He returned to visit once in 2007, evidently still attached to the place, but otherwise he seems to have moved on.

To conclude, while I'm ridiculously happy that places like this exist, I feel that the fact one needs to trespass to see them is a crime greater than the trespass itself. Places like this should be protected and enjoyed. I personally would love to live here if it was weatherproof and within reasonable distance of civilisation. Just me and the ghost of Bethia Barleycorn. I bet she's lovelier than the last thing I conversed with on a ouija board, anyway. Bethia, come and save me from this invisible thing that keeps coming into my room and strangles me when I'm trying to sleep. I always get an erection and it's super awkward.

Anyway, I've fallen in love with this house, and it was a shame to leave it behind. As sturdy as it is, it'll probably get overtaken by nature eventually and left for future generations to discover. One thing I think we can agree on- it's a shame that it's going to waste.

Anyway share this blog wherever you want, at least until Facebook bans it. Next time, I get chased by llamas. And then, I make my long overdue return to Shropshire, and the Motherblog, Shrewsbury From Where You Are Not. I haven't posted anything there since last year! In the meantime, Subscribe to Jess's Youtube, Follow my Instagram, Like my Facebook page and Follow my Twitter.

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